You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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