I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
