WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
