Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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