she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
