If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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