I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
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I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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