Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
