There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
