i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to calm my uterus...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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