Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
