So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
