She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize