Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
