Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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