I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
