Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
