i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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