I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
