i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How external is "for external use only"?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
