Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
