we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
