that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
