Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
