Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
