I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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