The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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