I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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