She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
