I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
