That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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