Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
