while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
