so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
