i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
