shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
