She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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