He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
