I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
