Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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