Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
