Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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