I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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