so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
