It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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