when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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