garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
