Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
