What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
