Duck Duck Cougar?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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