I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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