i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
