is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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