my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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