He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
