you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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