it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
