Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
