so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
