woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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