She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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