so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
