You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
