I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
