She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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