I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
