im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
