Say something about gay babies.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
