Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We need to get me chipped asap
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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