Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
