Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
