in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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