How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
